i get why she wouldn't. i've had to do that before, too. kill someone i cared about.
[ she knew buffy back in duplicity. angel hadn't been there and she'd only known about him through what she'd been willing to share, and she'd been so much younger then that it hadn't been much. she hadn't had a name for him until much later.
they don't know each other as well here, but it still feels like she'd failed her. failed cassian by not realizing. failed grace by not warning her. ]
do you know how long it will take? until he comes back. and until i can find his stone.
You have? That sounds like a nightmare. I mean I guess it's worse than one, because it's real.
That's not helpful, I'm sorry.
[koby doesn't articulate how his own death took two weeks to come back from, how he didn't need to be buried because it was part of a game, how he was in pieces that had to be puzzled back together. that's also not helpful.]
Usually about a week. If you want to say with him, I have a blanket and umbrella you can use. It gets cold outside.
it’s okay. it’s good to hear someone else say so, you know? this shouldn’t feel routine or normal.
[ she’s done whatever research she can on this place, but recounts can only tell her so much. she won’t ask for more details unless they’re volunteered, but it feels cruel to ask for more when koby’s already given so much. willingly and unwillingly.
rage overwhelms her for a moment, red-black and scorching. she thinks, for a second, i’m killing him myself if i ever see him again.
but that doesn’t help anyone. and it’s a dangerous, frightening thought to have. ]
thank you. i’m still debating that. my friend said i could stay with him and i don’t want him to worry.
It's the worst feeling in the world. My best friend died, over the summer, and it was like Torture, waiting for him to come back. But he did.
[on the edge of what he can feel of max -- peripheral, always gently avoiding his gaze to keep from being invasive -- koby senses the rage, swallows tightly. refocuses.]
Staying with someone does make it easier. You can still visit -- nobody will disturb him, the house doesn't like it. And remember, he won't act like himself, when he first gets back. I certainly didn't. I was a terrible pain.
[ she'd try to tamper the anger down if she knew he could feel it. it does end up ebbing a little after a moment of being so strong she can't feel anything else, and she tries focusing on what he's telling her instead. it feels important, not just so she'll know how to help when it happens, but maybe when it comes to koby telling it, too. ]
i'm so sorry you went through that. on both sides.
none of this should become routine, even if you've been here a while it's not people shouldn't have to get used to this. you know?
where we were before. you would die, you would maybe lose your memory for a while. i did, when i first died. the second time i was with him in some other place and we could remember everything, but couldn't stay warm afterward. you weren't buried. you didn't have to rejoin your soul to your body.
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no subject
i've had to do that before, too. kill someone i cared about.
[ she knew buffy back in duplicity. angel hadn't been there and she'd only known about him through what she'd been willing to share, and she'd been so much younger then that it hadn't been much. she hadn't had a name for him until much later.
they don't know each other as well here, but it still feels like she'd failed her. failed cassian by not realizing. failed grace by not warning her. ]
do you know how long it will take?
until he comes back. and until i can find his stone.
no subject
That sounds like a nightmare. I mean
I guess it's worse than one, because it's real.
That's not helpful, I'm sorry.
[koby doesn't articulate how his own death took two weeks to come back from, how he didn't need to be buried because it was part of a game, how he was in pieces that had to be puzzled back together. that's also not helpful.]
Usually about a week.
If you want to say with him, I have a blanket and umbrella you can use. It gets cold outside.
no subject
it’s good to hear someone else say so, you know? this shouldn’t feel routine or normal.
[ she’s done whatever research she can on this place, but recounts can only tell her so much. she won’t ask for more details unless they’re volunteered, but it feels cruel to ask for more when koby’s already given so much. willingly and unwillingly.
rage overwhelms her for a moment, red-black and scorching. she thinks, for a second, i’m killing him myself if i ever see him again.
but that doesn’t help anyone. and it’s a dangerous, frightening thought to have. ]
thank you.
i’m still debating that. my friend said i could stay with him and i don’t want him to worry.
no subject
My best friend died, over the summer, and it was like
Torture, waiting for him to come back.
But he did.
[on the edge of what he can feel of max -- peripheral, always gently avoiding his gaze to keep from being invasive -- koby senses the rage, swallows tightly. refocuses.]
Staying with someone does make it easier.
You can still visit -- nobody will disturb him, the house doesn't like it.
And remember, he won't act like himself, when he first gets back.
I certainly didn't. I was a terrible pain.
no subject
i'm so sorry you went through that. on both sides.
it isn't
dying wasn't like this. where i was.
no subject
It's become almost routine here, dying but it's still awful.
It was awful and scary on both sides.
Your home? Or the place before this? [cassian isn't the only one who religiously reads the network.]
no subject
it's not
people shouldn't have to get used to this. you know?
where we were before.
you would die, you would maybe lose your memory for a while. i did, when i first died. the second time i was with him in some other place and we could remember everything, but couldn't stay warm afterward.
you weren't buried. you didn't have to rejoin your soul to your body.
no subject
But they do. You can get used to everything.
Oh. I see.
We almost froze, in the place we were before. But nobody ever died.
Do you miss it? Where you were before?