[ max is quiet as she lets mel recount what's troubling her, aside from the obvious. it aches to hear, a reminder of cassian and daniel, who'd only had duplicity (and in cassian's case, now, saltburnt) left of their lives. she's reminded of grace, too, who had gotten to know daniel better there but had had to say goodbye when he got sent back. it's not something she envies. ]
Jackie's the one you wanted to take back with you? Or somewhere else?
[ she recalls their first conversation, how a girl's portrait had hung on a wall. she remembers cassian mentioning talking with one of the girls from the team, wondering if he'd made a mistake while talking with her. he'd felt sympathetic towards her.
[ Melissa hesitates, guilty as always for giving up one of Jackie's secrets again, then nods. ]
Yeah. Except I don't think she could go back, exactly. It's been... a long time.
[ They'd have to go back, like, a year or more? And if they could even do that, how much would it change? If they went back to before any of them ended up here, wouldn't they just forget everything anyway? Melissa's pretty sure there's a word for it, paradox or something.
Unless they didn't do any weird time travel shit at all and somehow faked Jackie's death and ran away with her or something. And why is she still thinking they when Shauna's not even fucking here anymore?
[ max is quiet for a few long moments, thinking. she hasn't wanted to reveal that cassian's dead back in her world because however close they are and whatever connection they have, it's not her story to tell. but she can't help but ache for this girl, who's already lost people at home and while here. she knows how much that hurts. it doesn't get easier to cope with after years of experience.
there's not really advice she can offer, either. or anything she can say to make it suck any less. the only thing that might offer comfort is the idea that shauna might return, but she doesn't know if that's really a good thing. she's heard about what happened during werewolf, knows that there's people who still look at the girls sideways because of how things had gone down. the only thing she can think to do is commiserate. they have a shared experience.
eventually, she draws in a deep breath and lets it out, turning slightly more towards the other girl. ]
Cassian can't go back, either. [ she waits to see if mel turns to her, eventually continuing either way. ] He's - he died, back where he's from. That's why we were trying to find a way for him to come back with me, too.
[ Melissa shifts to face Max, arms still wrapped around her legs, eyes wide and sad. She knows there are other dead people here besides Jackie, besides Harry. People talk about it on the network pretty freely—she just hasn't paid a ton of attention because they weren't her people.
But here's Max telling her that Cassian is dead, too. And despite being dead he was still willing to try to fool the Balfours into letting some of them escape, and so was Max. ]
Weren't you worried the house would punish him when you guys tricked it? Like, him specifically. [ She's not angry when she says it, but being part of that plan was a huge risk for an even bigger reason than she'd known.
Yes, she'd let Jackie walk away from Saltburnt once, last year when they walked to the commune, and she hadn't known where they were going to end up or if Jackie would be able to go with them the whole way, but—Nat had still been here when they had done that. And Melissa hadn't been dating Jackie then, either. ]
We talked about it. It took a while before I agreed to the idea, for that reason and a few others. [ but melissa's not asking about those, so she sticks to the concern around the plan. ] He thought it would be worth it if it meant we could get answers on what we had to do and maybe how to get somewhere else.
[ not that they were actually taking the risk themselves; another reason she had been reluctant to participate before ultimately agreeing to it. ]
I don't think he wants to believe that places like this are the only option for people in his situation. [ she doesn't, either. ] And I never want to be the one to tell someone they should just accept the hand they've been dealt.
[ After the crash, that first winter, it had been easy to believe that they were locked into some fated destiny. After the last hunt she remembers, the second winter, it felt like that all over again. They'd wanted to choose for themselves and it felt like they'd been punished for even trying.
Here, though? Where people who should be dead are walking around and talking and breathing, where she's met people who exist years in her future, people who can manipulate shadows and read minds? Even when things here are bad, even when it feels like they're stuck being tools for some fucked up magic house's amusement, how can she not have hope? ]
I don't... know how to talk about it with her. [ Jackie, she means. It's always felt like something unspoken, and now with Shauna gone, it's even more fragile. ] But you know I want to help, right? I don't want to force anyone to leave here, but I don't want to lose anyone else either.
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Jackie's the one you wanted to take back with you? Or somewhere else?
[ she recalls their first conversation, how a girl's portrait had hung on a wall. she remembers cassian mentioning talking with one of the girls from the team, wondering if he'd made a mistake while talking with her. he'd felt sympathetic towards her.
because she was dead back home, too. ]
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Yeah. Except I don't think she could go back, exactly. It's been... a long time.
[ They'd have to go back, like, a year or more? And if they could even do that, how much would it change? If they went back to before any of them ended up here, wouldn't they just forget everything anyway? Melissa's pretty sure there's a word for it, paradox or something.
Unless they didn't do any weird time travel shit at all and somehow faked Jackie's death and ran away with her or something. And why is she still thinking they when Shauna's not even fucking here anymore?
This is a total nightmare. ]
no subject
there's not really advice she can offer, either. or anything she can say to make it suck any less. the only thing that might offer comfort is the idea that shauna might return, but she doesn't know if that's really a good thing. she's heard about what happened during werewolf, knows that there's people who still look at the girls sideways because of how things had gone down. the only thing she can think to do is commiserate. they have a shared experience.
eventually, she draws in a deep breath and lets it out, turning slightly more towards the other girl. ]
Cassian can't go back, either. [ she waits to see if mel turns to her, eventually continuing either way. ] He's - he died, back where he's from. That's why we were trying to find a way for him to come back with me, too.
no subject
But here's Max telling her that Cassian is dead, too. And despite being dead he was still willing to try to fool the Balfours into letting some of them escape, and so was Max. ]
Weren't you worried the house would punish him when you guys tricked it? Like, him specifically. [ She's not angry when she says it, but being part of that plan was a huge risk for an even bigger reason than she'd known.
Yes, she'd let Jackie walk away from Saltburnt once, last year when they walked to the commune, and she hadn't known where they were going to end up or if Jackie would be able to go with them the whole way, but—Nat had still been here when they had done that. And Melissa hadn't been dating Jackie then, either. ]
no subject
We talked about it. It took a while before I agreed to the idea, for that reason and a few others. [ but melissa's not asking about those, so she sticks to the concern around the plan. ] He thought it would be worth it if it meant we could get answers on what we had to do and maybe how to get somewhere else.
[ not that they were actually taking the risk themselves; another reason she had been reluctant to participate before ultimately agreeing to it. ]
I don't think he wants to believe that places like this are the only option for people in his situation. [ she doesn't, either. ] And I never want to be the one to tell someone they should just accept the hand they've been dealt.
no subject
[ After the crash, that first winter, it had been easy to believe that they were locked into some fated destiny. After the last hunt she remembers, the second winter, it felt like that all over again. They'd wanted to choose for themselves and it felt like they'd been punished for even trying.
Here, though? Where people who should be dead are walking around and talking and breathing, where she's met people who exist years in her future, people who can manipulate shadows and read minds? Even when things here are bad, even when it feels like they're stuck being tools for some fucked up magic house's amusement, how can she not have hope? ]
I don't... know how to talk about it with her. [ Jackie, she means. It's always felt like something unspoken, and now with Shauna gone, it's even more fragile. ] But you know I want to help, right? I don't want to force anyone to leave here, but I don't want to lose anyone else either.