if they do now, i apologize. it's surprisingly terrible integrated in all sorts of night terrors.
that bad, huh? must be, if you're willing to get arrested here. orientation has been very clear about how much that sucks.
( he's ... impressed, though also concerned, because he doesn't realize exactly what sort of offenses she'd get arrested protesting. )
look, this offer is made without any expectations, since everything is coded creepier than i intend it to be because of my designation alone. but if you want a place to crash that isn't a skeevy hotel with questionable business practices my couch is not that bad for passing out on, i've tested it rigorously
yeah, i'll bet. i can imagine it's at least equal to dreaming about being drowned.
[ okay, maybe that was a little uncharitable. ]
hence why i'm not risking it unless i get confirmation of what i've heard they've been trying to get people to do.
[ she's not expecting the offer he makes, and she's a little thrown off by it. the thing is, she know he's not making it with any expectations, but she still feels weird about accepting it. or possibly accepting it. ]
i appreciate that.
i don't know yet. i'm still hoping we won't have to stay here much longer.
funny you mention that. i guess i don't know about drowning, but i dream a lot about choking on my own blood, and somehow it is worse if your socks are inexplicably wet
( she can be uncharitable if he can make macabre jokes about his own death, it evens out. )
not that i'm suggesting it isn't wrong for them to coerce people into sexual activity, because i'm not, and it is. but what exactly is your plan if they are?
yeah, well, agreed on that front. doesn't seem like the city can take much more of this.
are we actually trying to one-up each other with our nightmares? because i've also technically died before if you want to go there.
[ granted, she hadn't been shot to death by her spouse, just her x7 clone. and it's not that she feels like talking or even thinking about that more often than she has to, but it feels weirdly better to trade barbs like this. ]
i don't really do plans. it would probably involve a broken appendage or two, but i'm of the assumption that reporting it to the proper authorities wouldn't do any good.
yeah, the down wasn't doing too hot by the time we were evacuated. i'd be surprised if there was anything left.
maybe. it's better to joke about our death than be traumatized, right? and tell me i'm wrong: the way you died would not be improved by wet socks. wet socks have never improved anything.
i doubt it would, but i also doubt you getting tossed in the people zoo or whatever the shit it's called is helpful in the long run, either. they've got limitless assholes to fill in for the one with a broken collarbone. there's only one of you.
it's 100% wishful thinking, but maybe combining the sides would ease the gap between designations.
[ he actually gets a laugh out of her with the first sentence, not that he's there to see it or that she'll let him know about it. ]
getting shot sucks but it was immensely worse when one of the bullets i caught was during a rainstorm and i passed out in a puddle. yeah, i'll concede to that.
[ which, incidentally, is not how she died, but she did come close to it; first due to being shot and then due to a member of the breeding cult that's trying to wipe out the existence of her and her kind trying to poison her IV. ]
maybe. but that doesn't mean i won't do something if i can. if i manage to catch one of them trying to get others to solicit, that is; pretty sure they're onto me.
i think it's more likely that they toss us back in there once the flooding stops and leave us to fix everything. while expecting us to fulfil our duties as citizens of a city we didn't ask to move to, of course.
not how i died. that was in the woods in wyoming. i woke up to learning my brother had shot himself to give me his heart.
noted. but like i said, whatever they're doing they're making sure not to do when i'm within earshot or able to see them. and everyone stuck in the place has been minding their own business, so if i'm right, no one's told me.
i want to say at least we know where we stand, but that doesn't make it easier.
i feel like i'm playing a losing game here, if you've got multiple shootings and deaths to one up me with. jokes aside, though, i'm sorry. my brother is the most important person in my life, i can imagine what that would feel like and it's eviscerating.
( turns out, he beat Alex to the punch and died for him, so he'll never have to learn for sure. listening to his brother sob for him to stay hadn't improved his death experience, either, but not even Daniel is ready to joke about that. )
not exactly something people would be dying to share, i imagine.
but if you do see something, they're still letting people make emergency contracts, right? you can give people my details if you want. it's not much but maybe it's something. at least it'd get them out of there.
[ part of her wants to continue, mention that renfro had turned up her heartbeat while she was still recovering from the transplant as part of the early stages of her reindoctrination torture. not to continue with the one-up game they've been playing, just because she's never really had the opportunity to talk about this and how it had felt to lose her brother twice. but she reads his apology again and can't bring herself to type out the words. ]
thank you. they actually found a way to keep him alive in spite of that, if you can believe it. but he's not the only sibling i've lost, and yeah. it's awful.
yeah, probably not. and who knows, maybe i'm being paranoid. maybe they're deciding to do that without any coercion, if they're doing it at all. but i hate the idea that they're being pressured to. the city's fucked enough.
[ she'd seen the offer he'd made on the network and the next part of his message still surprises her. she fingers the edge of her device a couple of times, debating what to say in response. ]
no comment on the multiple shootings, though, which says plenty.
( Daniel wouldn't mind being a soundboard, frankly — he's heard and experienced all sorts of terrible things, he can sit through more. brother stuff does hit hard for him, though, probably always will. )
it would be hard to believe if i hadn't been here for a few weeks. you get used to the unbelievable fast around here.
i wouldn't be surprised if you were right, this place is perfectly content being coercive. no patience for people to get resigned to meeting quota on their own, it seems. but you're right that forcing people to sell themselves for just a place to sleep is a spectacularly new low for this shithole.
no. even an emergency contract with a stranger is a risk, though, so i get it.
i mean, i came back. it doesn't sound like you get to.
[ it's not even the worst encounter she'd had with one of her brothers, but she's only ever managed to tell ben's story to alec. it's a secret she's hoping to hold onto, but she doesn't have much faith in being able to do that while she's here. the network's already had her telling more than she wants to about herself to strangers. ]
yeah, i guess that's true. i'm not used to being one of the least weird things around.
i guess the aphros in the food, atmosphere, and weather aren't enough for them. why just limit themselves to that when they could extort and further traumatize people?
yeah. [ it's why she hadn't responded, though she had taken note of it. she's reluctant enough to the idea of contracting herself to someone. ] it was a nice offer to make, though.
[ she agrees. in fact, it might be for the best for them to move on altogether now that he's gone and brought sincerity into things. ]
the mystical tattoos didn't throw you off? [ not that they necessarily read as mystical. and come to think of it, he may not have even been in a position to see them. ] nothing that dramatic. i'm genetically engineered.
yeah. i think you've got a little more time than i do.
they're a message, about how i'm supposed to save the world from this breeding cult. i don't understand how, but they're tied to the place that created me. they've been trying to wipe us out so we don't interfere with their plans.
[ she knows how it sounds. but if he's not thrown by vampires, maybe he won't be thrown by the rest of what she's just said. (she has not considered the possibility that he might be reminded of factors of his past by bringing up the centuries old breeding cult, sorry daniel.) ]
less a month. [ not that she's been thinking about it. ]
( his family sort of is a breeding cult, isn't it? haha, whoops :) whatever, it's fine, the puzzle of trying to understand what she just said is distracting enough he doesn't think to connect the dots. )
i'm trying to get this straight. you were genetically engineered by some place trying to save the world from a cult? or is that the mystical part, the message showed up out of nowhere
shit. what happens if you don't find anyone? i feel like nothing good.
[ it's a lot to unpack and she honestly just learned all this herself, so she's still trying to wrap her head around it. trying to succinctly explain it is a harder task than she would have thought. ]
i grew up thinking we were a government experiment to create a perfect soldier, but found out more recently that we were originally meant to fight against this breeding cult. i'm designed for a purpose more specific than war - hence the mystical tattoos which yes, came out of nowhere. they're sanskrit runes, a message that some bad shit is supposed to go down where i'm from and i'm supposed to be what stops it from happening.
[ and then she'd wound up here, and now spends at least part of each day worrying about the possibility of going back home to find out that it's already happened. ]
i don't know. but i've got that same feeling.
Edited (sorry for the edits ily ) 2021-08-01 02:13 (UTC)
( he's surprised she's telling him all this. is it just a matter of wanting to tell someone and he's there? maybe. Daniel isn't used to being confided in, though the idea of being a sound board isn't a bad one. he can't manage much, but listening is relatively easy. )
sounds sort of a no winners situation, since engineering super soldiers to fight a war they didn't ask to champion is messed up on its own. the best of intentions don't mean much when you're forced to be something you don't want to be.
( that came across a little personal, huh? whoopsie!! )
shit, Max. ( Daniel doesn't want to see her locked up or worse because she doesn't have a contract. is she avoiding it just to fight against the system, or because she can't find anyone? ) do you have anyone you can ask? just a friend to buy you another three months.
[ that has a lot to do with it, and she won't deny it if he asks her. back home, up until very recently, there had only been a handful of people who'd known her secret, and she'd only really felt comfortable telling each of them separate pieces of the story. no one really knows all of it, and with this new chunk of information she's not sure how much of it she can trust, either. ]
yeah. a group of us, me included, escaped when i was nine. i spent ten years running from them, then tried to take them out when someone even worse than the guy in charge when i'd left took over for him.
they'd kept going, with other groups and younger doubles. i died when my younger double shot me in the chest.
[ and then she'd burned the place down when they'd set her up to kill somebody she loved.
she doesn't want to be locked up any more than he wants to see her locked up, and she doesn't know what to do if she reaches that point and still hasn't been able to find somebody to sign with. she's not sure which would be worse, being assigned somebody at random or being locked up until someone agrees to contract with her. ]
it's a lot to ask of somebody. [ and maybe part of her avoidance is to rebel against the system for as long as possible, but she also doesn't want to ask that of someone who might not be prepared for the responsibility, not even alec. ]
( he can all too well imagine what it was like, watching a cruel institution spiral further and further out of control. his family wasn't trying to take over the world (yet, anyway), but they sure as shit were grinding innocent lives under their heel to make sure they kept thriving. no matter how much farther they had to fall to do it.
Daniel relates to wanting to destroy an institution like that, too. died trying. he hates not knowing how it ended up. )
yeah, i get it. i just think the alternative would be worse. ( and while he hesitates pushing any further, he can't quite help himself. ) i don't want to see anything bad happen to you. if you come down to the wire and need someone, i wouldn't expect anything. it'd at least give you three more months to find someone else.
yeah. took a few months of recovery and them tricking me into thinking i'd escaped, but i ended up exposing them and burning it to the ground. now everyone who was in there is free to live however they want, only with the cult around and people generally being assholes, sometimes those lives end up being pretty short.
[ and it hurts her every time when that happens. she'd let them out, but hadn't prepared them for the world and how cruel and destructive it would be.
she should maybe expect the offer he makes, considering the other ones he's made to her and to the city at large but it still comes as a surprise. ]
i'll keep it in mind. i swear that's not me blowing off the offer, i just - it's a lot to think about. for both of us.
( even that phrasing, burn it all to the ground, sticks in his head. that's what he'd said to Grace, hiding under the manor's marble staircase. looking back now, Daniel has no idea how it ended, just that he died trying for change. did Grace make it out? or did his family end up sacrificing her anyway?
he tried to start a fire with a wet book of matches after a rainstorm. it's hard to believe it could have caught. )
took me 36 years to decide, but i'd rather die making my own choices than having them made for me. i imagine most of the people you helped would feel the same.
i don't need to think about it. ( he's maybe too used to uncomfortable deals that he has no choice but to live with, though. ) but i respect if you do. the offer is there if you want it.
[ her actual intent had just been to expose them. renfro was the one who had lit the match, but she can't say it didn't feel good watching the place behind her darkest fears and nightmares burn once she'd made sure everyone trapped inside was set free. ]
i hope you're right. i had a lot of people telling me it was my responsibility whenever things went wrong because i was the one who let them out. and i know it was, and i know they'd probably rather have been free. i just wish i could have prepared them better.
i do. i'm not - i hate that i have to get signed to anyone. i don't think it would be any better if i were in the opposite position, i'd just have a nicer apartment and be able to shop or whatever whenever i felt like it.
you're a good person, max. i'm sure it's not much of a consolation, but seems to me like you did as much as you could. hindsight is a bitch when things go wrong, but you don't have it until it's too late.
yeah, i hate it too. maybe you'll get a chance to go home, apparently that happens.
( home for her isn't great, if this conversation taught him anything, it's that. still, doesn't take much to be better than here. )
until then... maybe a controlled fall is better than whatever they'd force you to do. you'll figure it out, i'm sure.
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that bad, huh? must be, if you're willing to get arrested here. orientation has been very clear about how much that sucks.
( he's ... impressed, though also concerned, because he doesn't realize exactly what sort of offenses she'd get arrested protesting. )
look, this offer is made without any expectations, since everything is coded creepier than i intend it to be because of my designation alone. but if you want a place to crash that isn't a skeevy hotel with questionable business practices my couch is not that bad for passing out on, i've tested it rigorously
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[ okay, maybe that was a little uncharitable. ]
hence why i'm not risking it unless i get confirmation of what i've heard they've been trying to get people to do.
[ she's not expecting the offer he makes, and she's a little thrown off by it. the thing is, she know he's not making it with any expectations, but she still feels weird about accepting it. or possibly accepting it. ]
i appreciate that.
i don't know yet. i'm still hoping we won't have to stay here much longer.
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( she can be uncharitable if he can make macabre jokes about his own death, it evens out. )
not that i'm suggesting it isn't wrong for them to coerce people into sexual activity, because i'm not, and it is. but what exactly is your plan if they are?
yeah, well, agreed on that front. doesn't seem like the city can take much more of this.
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[ granted, she hadn't been shot to death by her spouse, just her x7 clone. and it's not that she feels like talking or even thinking about that more often than she has to, but it feels weirdly better to trade barbs like this. ]
i don't really do plans. it would probably involve a broken appendage or two, but i'm of the assumption that reporting it to the proper authorities wouldn't do any good.
yeah, the down wasn't doing too hot by the time we were evacuated. i'd be surprised if there was anything left.
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i doubt it would, but i also doubt you getting tossed in the people zoo or whatever the shit it's called is helpful in the long run, either. they've got limitless assholes to fill in for the one with a broken collarbone. there's only one of you.
it's 100% wishful thinking, but maybe combining the sides would ease the gap between designations.
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getting shot sucks but it was immensely worse when one of the bullets i caught was during a rainstorm and i passed out in a puddle. yeah, i'll concede to that.
[ which, incidentally, is not how she died, but she did come close to it; first due to being shot and then due to a member of the breeding cult that's trying to wipe out the existence of her and her kind trying to poison her IV. ]
maybe. but that doesn't mean i won't do something if i can. if i manage to catch one of them trying to get others to solicit, that is; pretty sure they're onto me.
i think it's more likely that they toss us back in there once the flooding stops and leave us to fix everything. while expecting us to fulfil our duties as citizens of a city we didn't ask to move to, of course.
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i'm not saying you shouldn't do anything. just that in a situation like this, you can do more if you don't have a target on your back.
yeah, probably. they're sort of a one trick pony around here, aren't they. fuck or else, doms good, subs bad. you catch on fast.
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noted. but like i said, whatever they're doing they're making sure not to do when i'm within earshot or able to see them. and everyone stuck in the place has been minding their own business, so if i'm right, no one's told me.
i want to say at least we know where we stand, but that doesn't make it easier.
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( turns out, he beat Alex to the punch and died for him, so he'll never have to learn for sure. listening to his brother sob for him to stay hadn't improved his death experience, either, but not even Daniel is ready to joke about that. )
not exactly something people would be dying to share, i imagine.
but if you do see something, they're still letting people make emergency contracts, right? you can give people my details if you want. it's not much but maybe it's something. at least it'd get them out of there.
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[ part of her wants to continue, mention that renfro had turned up her heartbeat while she was still recovering from the transplant as part of the early stages of her reindoctrination torture. not to continue with the one-up game they've been playing, just because she's never really had the opportunity to talk about this and how it had felt to lose her brother twice. but she reads his apology again and can't bring herself to type out the words. ]
thank you. they actually found a way to keep him alive in spite of that, if you can believe it. but he's not the only sibling i've lost, and yeah. it's awful.
yeah, probably not. and who knows, maybe i'm being paranoid. maybe they're deciding to do that without any coercion, if they're doing it at all. but i hate the idea that they're being pressured to. the city's fucked enough.
[ she'd seen the offer he'd made on the network and the next part of his message still surprises her. she fingers the edge of her device a couple of times, debating what to say in response. ]
i'll do that, if it comes to that.
no one's taken you up on the offer?
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( Daniel wouldn't mind being a soundboard, frankly — he's heard and experienced all sorts of terrible things, he can sit through more. brother stuff does hit hard for him, though, probably always will. )
it would be hard to believe if i hadn't been here for a few weeks. you get used to the unbelievable fast around here.
i wouldn't be surprised if you were right, this place is perfectly content being coercive. no patience for people to get resigned to meeting quota on their own, it seems. but you're right that forcing people to sell themselves for just a place to sleep is a spectacularly new low for this shithole.
no. even an emergency contract with a stranger is a risk, though, so i get it.
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[ it's not even the worst encounter she'd had with one of her brothers, but she's only ever managed to tell ben's story to alec. it's a secret she's hoping to hold onto, but she doesn't have much faith in being able to do that while she's here. the network's already had her telling more than she wants to about herself to strangers. ]
yeah, i guess that's true. i'm not used to being one of the least weird things around.
i guess the aphros in the food, atmosphere, and weather aren't enough for them. why just limit themselves to that when they could extort and further traumatize people?
yeah. [ it's why she hadn't responded, though she had taken note of it. she's reluctant enough to the idea of contracting herself to someone. ] it was a nice offer to make, though.
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( Daniel sticks to flippant, because the reality is depressing. flippant is better. )
i don't find you that weird. are you secretly a vampire? apparently that's a thing around here.
they've got all flavors of coercion and extortion, they should put that on the welcome sign.
in theory, maybe, not sure about practice. eventually i need one as much as anyone else, right?
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the mystical tattoos didn't throw you off? [ not that they necessarily read as mystical. and come to think of it, he may not have even been in a position to see them. ] nothing that dramatic. i'm genetically engineered.
yeah. i think you've got a little more time than i do.
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( that's not any weirder than vampires. or a mustachioed man cursing your family with a satanic puzzle box. or dying, and not being dead. )
a couple months or something, now. why, how long have you got?
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[ she knows how it sounds. but if he's not thrown by vampires, maybe he won't be thrown by the rest of what she's just said. (she has not considered the possibility that he might be reminded of factors of his past by bringing up the centuries old breeding cult, sorry daniel.) ]
less a month. [ not that she's been thinking about it. ]
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i'm trying to get this straight. you were genetically engineered by some place trying to save the world from a cult? or is that the mystical part, the message showed up out of nowhere
shit. what happens if you don't find anyone? i feel like nothing good.
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i grew up thinking we were a government experiment to create a perfect soldier, but found out more recently that we were originally meant to fight against this breeding cult. i'm designed for a purpose more specific than war - hence the mystical tattoos which yes, came out of nowhere. they're sanskrit runes, a message that some bad shit is supposed to go down where i'm from and i'm supposed to be what stops it from happening.
[ and then she'd wound up here, and now spends at least part of each day worrying about the possibility of going back home to find out that it's already happened. ]
i don't know. but i've got that same feeling.
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sounds sort of a no winners situation, since engineering super soldiers to fight a war they didn't ask to champion is messed up on its own. the best of intentions don't mean much when you're forced to be something you don't want to be.
( that came across a little personal, huh? whoopsie!! )
shit, Max. ( Daniel doesn't want to see her locked up or worse because she doesn't have a contract. is she avoiding it just to fight against the system, or because she can't find anyone? ) do you have anyone you can ask? just a friend to buy you another three months.
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yeah. a group of us, me included, escaped when i was nine. i spent ten years running from them, then tried to take them out when someone even worse than the guy in charge when i'd left took over for him.
they'd kept going, with other groups and younger doubles. i died when my younger double shot me in the chest.
[ and then she'd burned the place down when they'd set her up to kill somebody she loved.
she doesn't want to be locked up any more than he wants to see her locked up, and she doesn't know what to do if she reaches that point and still hasn't been able to find somebody to sign with. she's not sure which would be worse, being assigned somebody at random or being locked up until someone agrees to contract with her. ]
it's a lot to ask of somebody. [ and maybe part of her avoidance is to rebel against the system for as long as possible, but she also doesn't want to ask that of someone who might not be prepared for the responsibility, not even alec. ]
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( he can all too well imagine what it was like, watching a cruel institution spiral further and further out of control. his family wasn't trying to take over the world (yet, anyway), but they sure as shit were grinding innocent lives under their heel to make sure they kept thriving. no matter how much farther they had to fall to do it.
Daniel relates to wanting to destroy an institution like that, too. died trying. he hates not knowing how it ended up. )
yeah, i get it. i just think the alternative would be worse. ( and while he hesitates pushing any further, he can't quite help himself. ) i don't want to see anything bad happen to you. if you come down to the wire and need someone, i wouldn't expect anything. it'd at least give you three more months to find someone else.
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[ and it hurts her every time when that happens. she'd let them out, but hadn't prepared them for the world and how cruel and destructive it would be.
she should maybe expect the offer he makes, considering the other ones he's made to her and to the city at large but it still comes as a surprise. ]
i'll keep it in mind. i swear that's not me blowing off the offer, i just - it's a lot to think about. for both of us.
but i really do appreciate it. thank you.
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he tried to start a fire with a wet book of matches after a rainstorm. it's hard to believe it could have caught. )
took me 36 years to decide, but i'd rather die making my own choices than having them made for me. i imagine most of the people you helped would feel the same.
i don't need to think about it. ( he's maybe too used to uncomfortable deals that he has no choice but to live with, though. ) but i respect if you do. the offer is there if you want it.
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i hope you're right. i had a lot of people telling me it was my responsibility whenever things went wrong because i was the one who let them out. and i know it was, and i know they'd probably rather have been free. i just wish i could have prepared them better.
i do. i'm not - i hate that i have to get signed to anyone. i don't think it would be any better if i were in the opposite position, i'd just have a nicer apartment and be able to shop or whatever whenever i felt like it.
i hate this place.
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yeah, i hate it too. maybe you'll get a chance to go home, apparently that happens.
( home for her isn't great, if this conversation taught him anything, it's that. still, doesn't take much to be better than here. )
until then... maybe a controlled fall is better than whatever they'd force you to do. you'll figure it out, i'm sure.
(no subject)