[ regarding what else he has to say, she's still conflicted about how she feels - not towards him, especially after what he'd done for her, but about everything that comes with how she feels and how she knows he feels. and what she knows about him now.
she's still hurt. it might take a while for her not to feel hurt. but he's just asked her what she needs and she isn't feeling up to ignoring that offer. ]
i don't know what i need. i just keep trying to find ways to not think about what they did.
[ she knows that's true, she just hasn't wanted to do it. facing how she feels means feeling all of how she's been feeling and the idea of that terrifies her. especially since she knows it's likely not the last time something like that is going to happen in this place. ]
i have a motorcycle, at home. i can't exactly ride it here.
i've been taking walks. hanging out on the roof of the building. [ drinking and trying not to sleep. ]
i could. i might. vehicles in general seem pretty rare around here unless you're a dominant or really wealthy, but i've been keeping an eye out for parts.
it's quiet. and high. somewhere to go when i'd rather be alone.
you don't have anywhere you go when things start to feel like they're too much?
it still might be nice to have a reminder of home. [ one that doesn't make her violently sick. ]
there's a place from home i used to go to. it's called the space needle. i haven't found anywhere quite that high here, but yeah. it's good to have a vantage point.
sure, if you ever feel like making the trip down here. [ a beat. ] might be easier if i come to you, though.
oh. uh, it's a building they set up for a fair, decades ago. it kind of became the city's landmark.
[ after a few moments, she sends him a sketch, since she doubts she'll be able to find a picture of the actual structure. it's another few minutes before she responds to what else he said. ]
apparently it was a pretty big tourist attraction back in the day. it was deserted by the time i found my way to seattle, but it made for a pretty good place to be alone. i'd sit out on the roof of it and watch the city and try to feel normal.
[ she debates for another few moments about how to reply to the next part of what he said. for a little while, she debates not saying anything. but if she's asking him for honesty, she owes him the same. ]
you saved my life. i owe you thanks for that, at least. but it hurt, you keeping something like that from me.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ It was awful even seeing her like that, so he can't imagine what it must have felt like for her. ]
I'm sorry you didn't manage to escape.
What you went through was traumatic. To still feel shaken from it would be understandable.
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[ that's not fair and she knows it, but he's right - she is still feeling shaken. she sighs, rubbing at her eyes before messaging him again. ]
sorry, you're right. it was. and i am.
i'm just trying to push through it until it goes away.
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I know you're probably still hurt over the secret I kept from you, but if you need anything, please tell me. Don't suffer alone.
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[ regarding what else he has to say, she's still conflicted about how she feels - not towards him, especially after what he'd done for her, but about everything that comes with how she feels and how she knows he feels. and what she knows about him now.
she's still hurt. it might take a while for her not to feel hurt. but he's just asked her what she needs and she isn't feeling up to ignoring that offer. ]
i don't know what i need. i just keep trying to find ways to not think about what they did.
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What usually brings you comfort?
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i have a motorcycle, at home. i can't exactly ride it here.
i've been taking walks. hanging out on the roof of the building. [ drinking and trying not to sleep. ]
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Why the roof?
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it's quiet. and high. somewhere to go when i'd rather be alone.
you don't have anywhere you go when things start to feel like they're too much?
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I do. I go to the beach. Watching the sea settles my mind. Sometimes I prefer to bathe in it.
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[ but why would the people in charge be interested in making their abducted citizens happy? ]
i can see why the ocean would be calming, yeah.
i lived somewhere that was pretty close to it. i just felt safer higher up.
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A roof has a vantage point. I can see why you'd feel safer there.
At least now I know where to find you now.
[ And where she can find him. ]
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there's a place from home i used to go to. it's called the space needle. i haven't found anywhere quite that high here, but yeah. it's good to have a vantage point.
sure, if you ever feel like making the trip down here. [ a beat. ] might be easier if i come to you, though.
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My home is always welcome to you, Max.
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[ after a few moments, she sends him a sketch, since she doubts she'll be able to find a picture of the actual structure. it's another few minutes before she responds to what else he said. ]
thank you, lucas.
for that and everything else.
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You don't need to thank me, not after what I hid from you. I will keep trying to make it up to you.
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[ she debates for another few moments about how to reply to the next part of what he said. for a little while, she debates not saying anything. but if she's asking him for honesty, she owes him the same. ]
you saved my life. i owe you thanks for that, at least.
but it hurt, you keeping something like that from me.
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I hope one day you can look at me and not feel the hurt I caused you.
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i like you, too.
and i think i can. it's - what you did for me helped.
it didn't erase it, but i appreciate that you did it in spite of that.